Meaningless are your words

Quote:

 "What is said is often not done."

Materials: 

Red alcohol marker, Brown watercolor, Black Ink, Ink Stamp

Description: 

A red marker stains the page. A representation of the root chakra's deep color. Brown water color turns black as it touches the page. The intentions of others may not fully be what you think they are. Do you trust what is or what you can see? How does it affect your stability? 

Open Letter: 

To Those Who Say One Thing and Do Another

 It is funny how sometimes you make something with other intentions, and it finds a way to echo into other parts of your life. The passage I based this on was more of an open letter to those who never keep their word. To those who lie rather than be truthful. Yet, this echo takes me back to "The Man Who Chose Dance." As there is a continuation to the words written on this page that match the newest update. 

Before I continue with the articulation of what is to happen, please be aware that there is no right or wrong. There is only a continuation of the story as follows, with some modifications to help with the reason why. (Me on the right, and The Man Who Chose Dance on the left.)

The Texts

A morning day in October

[I had just gotten out of my therapist's office.]

Hey, so, I know that we had made plans for Monday to hang out. I'd Still like to do that so we can talk to each other face-to-face if you want

Later that day

I'd be okay with that

Okay

I'll probably bring something written up just so that I don't get too caught up

That's understandable

I'm sorry I'm being complicated

A New Day in the Afternoon

[The weekend passes. The same weekend, my friend and I chose to go out. The same weekend, I knew he didn't spend a second concerned. He was too busy having fun at a party. I would later find out that this was the same weekend he was posting up with his new boyfriend and making Only Fans content.]

Sorry I didn't respond... Had a busy weekend

I don't know if I can meet up today now. I overslept this morning, so I have to work later than usual. Then I have to go run some errands and get my suit for my sister's wedding.

Okay

Well maybe sometime soon

[The voice of aniety cuts through me telling me that "he's never going to make that effort. He never would try to actually make up plans. He's never made up plans. He's canceled on you. He's lying, and you're letting yourself trust him? Pathetic. This is why people take advantage of you."]

Do you want to talk all about it? 

I think we should

I agree

Just name a when and where

A few days later

[He never responded. I feel rejected again. This was supposed to be when we were working on getting to a good place with one another. He said he wanted to talk. Yet, he didn't attempt to speak. I would later find out that he was again partying and making his only fans content with his boyfriend. ]

Hope you are doing alright. I feel as though there hasn't been an active effort to try and make things good between us. I really don't know where to go from here. I wanted to have an active face-to-face conversation. My understanding is that you wanted one, too, but I'm starting to get the impression that it probably won't happen. 

Sorry. I've been sick this week and traveled home for my sister's wedding 

I understand that things can come up. I'm sad to hear that you are not feeling well. However, it doesn't make me feel like my concerns are being acknowledged. It is still hurtful to be left without an active engagement in what I am expressing. 

A Month Goes By

[I decided to send him a link to the open letter. Mainly as a way for me to get some closure to the circumstances. As he wasn't trying to respond to me, I thought of it as a way of shooting things into the void and having my opportunity to say my last piece.]

https://openlettersforthesoul.blogspot.com/2023/11/were-you-ever-actually-sorry.html  This will be the last time I text you. I can clearly see that you played around with me until you found something that you actually wanted. If you did care about me, you would have, at this point, tried to reconcile. I was bold to tell me you actually wanted to talk, even bolder to leave me hanging. I'll remember that. Enjoy the life you want. I hope it makes you happy. 

Two Days Go By

[I didn't expect this. Yet it happened]

Wren, I'm sorry for disappointing you. The way that you reacted to my honesty left me in a tough place though. No matter what I tried to reassure you, you rejected it. Do you know what that feels like?

I was gently screaming true intentions only to be met with doubt and skepticism from you. 

My relationship isn't what killed our friendship. Your unwillingness to be happy for me in any way showed your true colors. Your unwillingness to see me as someone worth keeping around just for the sake of having a comfortable, trusting friend killed our friendship.

I want you to find peace and happiness, but our time for any reconciliation has passed. You deserve good things.

[The Anxiety that crawls in my head, "I told you. This is why you don't trust them. This is why you deserve what you get. People will take advantage of you. People will always lie he never planned to actually talk to you. He is just like the others.]

You told me over text. While responding to you I was in a state of anxiety overload, having a significant trauma response. All I could think about was the worst outcome. I wanted a face to face conversation so that we could work things out together. You never acknowledged that. You are right about one thing though, your relationship didn't kill our friendship. It's the fact that you didn't prioritize telling me. even on that day when I texted you afraid of the outcome was the time that I found out about your conversation with him. You didn't approach me and what about even now? This is the closest thing to a genuine conversation that you think that I deserve. A response that I would have never gotten if it wasn't because I reached out to you. I trusted you with so much that you didn't even acknowledge. But none of that matters now. Regardless of what you may think Im actually happy that you're with someone who matches your needs, but god does it suck that you treated them with the level of communication I wanted.

May you find peace in the choices that you have made I wish for you to get only what you have put into the word.

End of  Text

Things are said and often not done. Sometimes, we lie and never have the intention we claim. The Man Who Chose Dance is no exception. Believe it or not, there's more to this conversation. It's pretty much what you think is a toxic conversation. But you can learn from this post how important it can be to be active in your conversations with us. 

There was no need for him to say what he did. If he was honest, we both could have moved on. He never wanted to have a face-to-face. Instead, he decided to move on and leave me to wait. So, while this letter's original design was not made for the man who chose dance, it is also nice for him to read. This letter goes out to those who say one thing and do another. The people who need to be honest with their intentions. You can't be better than us if you can't prove you are better. 

Kind Intentions.

Wren